One uncertainty has been lingering over my head for some time now. The anxiety of this decision keeps building and building. What do I want to be when I grow up? When I say this to my students they laugh at me and say "You're already grown up, Mrs. Stan. And you are a teacher."
But the truth remains that I honestly don't know where I will be or what I will be doing 10 years from now. I assume that I will be somewhere in the field of Education, but I still have this overwhelming desire to live on a horse ranch in Wyoming or some other remote area. However, I also still frequently dream of playing the guitar and singing my way across the sidewalks of the U.S. I am not sure what either of these dreams means....I suppose that I am not finished being young and adventurous?
I have some major life changing decisions ahead of me and I honestly cannot make a decision for which direction to go...do I start my doctoral program in some area of Education? Should we start having children? Do I want to move somewhere new and begin a new career? Should I go all the way back to my original dream and retry for Vet school? All of the questions just have me super confused and completely frozen. I suppose the greatest pressure anyone can feel though is the pressure they put upon themselves.
I never was very good at making the best decisions. Anyone from my hometown knows that. Nor will they most likely ever forget it. Hahaha...Perhaps in my "old age" my choices have been getting better and I will end up exactly where I am supposed to be. Even if that place is gypsy singing cowgirl chasing wild horses.....
I love your honesty Grace. I am going through similar struggles myself. I think part of it is the season. I am so used to starting some new adventure every spring since we've moved so often. It's hard to picture teaching the same thing in the same room for the next 20 something years isn't it? I look at some of my co-workers and wonder how they do it. I know the Lord has some exciting things planned for your future. I say go back to school and get in a position where you can fight for the rights of teachers and students! I don't know what's going on in GA, but there are some scary changes taking place in AL.
ReplyDelete